I just stumbled on this.
For some reason I was unable to leave a comment but there was a few things that got under my skin about the post. The author was trying to show how empathetic she was and really see someone for who they are despite their disability but then she goes on to label the person by their disability IE "27-year-old hydrocephalic". A DISABILITY IS SOMETHING SOMEBODY HAS IT IS NEVER WHO THEY ARE. (Sorry my pet hate). If you truly wish to see how incredible and phenomenal a person is than look past their diagnoses.
Parents place their children with disabilities in institutions do so out of complex circumstances. I don't think you can understand the decision making process around placing a child or adult with a severe impairment in an institution until you have had to make it yourself. I think it is extremely shortsighted to view the placing of a disabled child in an institution as purely a cruel and unthinking act by the parent/s.
The government and community at large play a substantial and critical role for parent's to feel supported with raising a child with a disability. Anyone who is raising a child with a disability knows of the considerable lack in resources, practical support, respite, childcare and schooling options, parental income support, community access ect. When the support is not there from government policy and action and the community as a whole some parents unfortunately have extremely limited options in caring for a child with high support needs. We can not pass judgements on these parents unless we have had to walk in their shoes and experience the significant difficulties in day to day life that they have had to face. But it is obvious that some just see parent's as making heartless decisions and don't look outside the box to see what has lead them to have to make the decision they have had to.
The one thing that I do agree with is that it is the parent's loss. Don't be so ignorant not to think that many of those parents have not had to deal with considerable grief over their situation. There is loss all around, for the child, the parents, the family and the wider community. Yes, it is very easy to sit back and judge these parent's for their decision but not so easy to go forward and campaign for a dramatic increase in funding and resources that are required for some children and adults with a severe disability to live with their families in their communities.
7 comments:
Forgive me. A 27 year old person with severe hydrocephalus. People often identify themselves as diabetics or the like. It was standard verbal economy and in no way was meant to offend.
For the record, I was not "trying to show how empathetic I was." I was merely relating a story and my thoughts on the situation. It isn't necessary to go around assuming the worst in people.
As to the parents, I take it you missed the word "uninvolved" in there? Please, before you go on a rant about something, read it for context. Objectively.
Verbal economy as you put it is offensive when you do label someone as their disability. If someone chooses to identify themself by their disability that is their choice.
Parents are univolved in lots of children's lives whether they are living with them or not. Have you thought of why the parents may have been univovled in their children's lives? Were the staff welcoming even though the parent may of only had a small amount of time? Was the institution the only placement they could get for their child even though it was a considerable distance away? What are the other family circumsatances? More then 80% of marriages end in divorce when there is a child with a disability. That would mean a fair number of single mothers trying to work, deal with other family and life commitments and be invovlved. What were the socioeconomic factors of the demographic of resident's families? Had the institution done anything themselves to increase parental involvement and support the parents. Over here parents have to sign over their parental rights when placing a child permanently. (I personally can't imagine how hard that would be). Had the institution done anything to support any mental health or depression issues that some of the parents may have been experiencing due to the placement of their child.
All I was trying to point out was that it is a very complex situation. It is not black and white. It may be easy to see the uninvolved parents as the bad guys but maybe there is a lot more to a lot of the families stories than what you see at a glance.
Wow you make a lot of assumptions.
As to the families' situations, ask the staff of that facility about that.
But it closed 15 years ago.
As I see it you were the one ausuming that the parents dumped the children off and assumed that their lack of invovement was related to their lack of want.
All I was trying to point out that there is a much bigger picture when it comes to parenting a child with a disability.
I was there for a day. The staff were the ones saying most parents were completely uninvolved. Uninvolved means just that. Not showing up. Dumped and left. A very few would visit or call or write or send gifts/cards/whatever. The rest were just plainly dumped. Of course I hold disdain for a parent like that and I will not apologize for it.
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